Have you ever experienced blind spots? Blind spots are moments when only partial information is available, but your mind predicts the missing information and fills in the gaps for you. So for instance, out of the corner of your eye you see a sleeping dog, but when you look closer you realise it is just a discarded jacket, or when you don't quite capture what someone says, and you interpret it as something personal. My life for many years was in the fold of this blind-spot. Forged moments drifting further from actuality.
It's interesting because whenever I drifted into blind-spots, the world became highly personalised. Common residue became loaded with re-imagined scenarios. Narratives became anagrammatic and objects became attractive mirages. In short, moments became re-configured to express a semi-private/public affair.
What do I mean by semi-private/public. Well, we all share common memory's. These memory's are actually bounded up in common language too. They become our cultural and historical experiences. Performed and rehearsed through language and phases. But there is also another level of us that is hidden from others, intrinsic and subjective, evolving and critically open for change. This part of our self is private.
I guess what I'm trying to say is these two arenas become highly confused. The line blurred and any distinction was slowly eradicated. Every event was confused as a personal, private affair. So, for instance, an over heard conversation became a conversation about my life. Objects out of the corner of my eye transformed into personal monuments, where ever I went a reflection of my inner self was being broadcasted back to me. To make matters worse, I encouraged it. I started to construct a theory on how the public knew so much about me. Every person with a camera, every person writing notes, every person on their mobile device where reporting on me. I felt I was being monitored. I was in fact, just fucking paranoid.